Skincare routine renewal

Hi 

Yesterday I went to DEMC Shah Alam for my worsening skin problem. I'm having very dry skin, sometimes very oily, blackheads and whiteheads popping up, acne, cysts, itchy forehead, scarring and redness. I'd say this is all due to my fault for spludging many skin products on my face as soon as I got it. No rest time, no spot testing       and I've been doing this for like 4 years now? Since 2013.

Well, at first in 2013, I just wanted to reduce the appearance of my large pores. So I got this RM25 serum, supposed to treat large pores. But then I got a breakout. I stopped using that and my skin returned to normal. But curious me wants to try other skincare products. Hey how about trying this popular snail mucus product? But it's too expensive. I'll go for the cheaper ones. Ta-da I got my huge parcel. My first ever haul. Lol. Stupid me. So happy getting new stuff and I want to try everything at once. Big mistake.

Here are my thoughts during this skincare journey. 

So okay, I got myself a sunscreen! 

It's great! 

Not oily, sort of dewy finish. 

I looked pretty. 

That's a good investment. 

Now let's try this cathy doll magic cream!

Ooh, so white. SPF 50. Must be good. Let's keep putting this on everyday.

And many other purchases have been made through instagram shops.

Waste of money. These products must not be so good since they're from Thailand.

Hey, look at this Hermo website! 

Original Korean products! Taiwan brands! Price cut! What a bargain!

They're having a big sale! Let's buy a lot of stuff to get the most out of it!

Ka-ching ka-ching there goes my money.

I bought a Yadah spot treatment. Let's use this on my acne.( At this point my skin is fine, just the occasional zit popping up)

These 3 tubs of facial mask is good for my skin. Let's use this everyday!

I still need something for my pores. Let's get this face shop tea tree toner.

Another sale! Must buy!

Christmas sale! BUYYYYYYY!

And that was my last fancy skin care purchase. In 2015. I bought quite a lot. Lol.

In November 2015, my skin went haywire. Redness, Rough patches. I skipped on moisturising and cleansing because I thought I musn't irritate my skin. Maybe a big mistake. Face prodeeded to become very dry. So much grit. Acne pooping  popping up. Cysts. Cysts bruh! I never had them before and astaga it was soo painful and ugly. I didn't know it was a cyst but I was touching it and wondering what is this squishy blob. So I pressed it and wau it erupted puss and blood came flowing out after it. Immediately became a dark spot and needed 2 weeks to fade with a serum. 

Then Ma said she wants to bring me to Ko Clinic. I googled them and wao the package price was wau. I didn't want to spend money on facial duo light thingy needing 6 sessions for RM1000++. So I thought to go to gov derm. But then the waiting time must be hell. Then I remember I have my insurance so why not give it a try. 

So we went to DEMC Shah Alam around 2p.m. After lunch at Soto. Best lunch in a while. Turns out I can only claim for insurance if I got warded. No way I'm getting warded for this lol. 

We went to the second floor. A Medical Clinic area. Filled in a form and got a waiting number. Waited for about 3 hours and when I got in I told the doc I this skin problem and she straightaway suggested accutane.

I did my homework last night to get to know some things to expect during this appointment. And most docs will prescribe accutane. Some r/SCA peeps said it's a last resort but I agreed to take on the course. Bloody hell my bill came up RM 568. It's pricey but I think it's better than delaying this. I'm 21 bruh. Young, maybe. But in 2 years I'll start audit and I don't think I have the time to commit to an accutane course. What with the need to drink lots of water and the toilet trips. I took my pill this morning and wew I'm dehydrating. Muscle aches. Itchy dry eyes.

                                                                                                                                                                   

update 25/11/2016: It seems that I've forgotten about this post and it sat in my drafts for so long. So, yeah I finished the first batch of accutane and went to DEMC for my second batch. The total came out to around RM600 with the consultation fee which barely lasted 5 mins. Finished this second batch and at this time my skin looked and felt really good so I decided to not continue my course. Big mistake? For the first three months, yes. My face became so red and angry, the cysts were still there. I continued my routine; 

AM

• Splash face with cold water
• Pat dry with face towel
• Coat face with a good amount of Cetaphil lotion

I was mostly indoors but when I went out I'll put my lotion on lightly, put on sunscreen and finish with baby powder.

PM

• Cetaphil cleanser (Double cleansing with firstly Hada Labo Oil Cleanser followed by Cetaphil if I wore sunscreen)
• Splash cold water
• Pat dry with face towel
• Moisturise

I kept it really simple and my skin finally got less red and reduced bumps today. But I had my lazy weeks where I didn't moisturise and left it dry. DO NOT DO THIS. Huuge mistake. My skin went back to square one and I opted to a spray moisturiser so I'd feel less lazy to moisturise. It's actually a Hada Labo Lotion, the watery one decanted into a spray bottle from Daiso. It's a bit viscuous so I diluted it with sterilized water so that it'd spray out nicely.

So now I have an OK skin. I feel good about it. These large pores are a part of me that I'm not ashamed of now lol. You gotta learn to accept yourself just the way you are.

Bye.

p.s. I don't know why I took these pics earlier but I'm leaving them.

Hi

I went through my last post and compared it to what I might write on this one and, wow, I didn't really have anything going for me this year.

I think, so far, I got to know some people I tried to care about. But this one person somehow did not want me to care, and I did try to contact them a few times with no answer, so that's that. It kinda pains me when I finally am open to someone and they don't appreciate it. Well, I'm not looking to start a special relationship with this person but maybe they see it that way. I now think it is really best to keep to myself because people misunderstand even when I am genuinely, straightforwardly telling them I'm here to listen and they think there's something else. Are people allergic to frank words? Can't you just appreciate what is in front of you?

I did try to think that this is just me feeling this way but when I look at the big picture, some people are just assholes, so I'll accept them being that way, let us part ways and be off with our own lives.

Some backstory here; I met this person through a friend and I didn't notice them at first but said person kept messaging me and I did not bother to entertain, but somehow I finally replied. Things went fine and I found out person is really fun to hang out with. We had some inside jokes and so on and suddenly a third person came into picture (some misunderstanding, and wau some privacy violation going on here it's crazy) and I tried to give some nice words to person. Then, suddenly, person cut contact, no longer said hi. I just feel appalled. Person made me feel happy and content and suddenly person upped and went away. It's a shame when I tried to salvage the friendship that person started with me, person did not care. Ha, I feel immature calling person 'person' lol.

I guess that's it. I tried, but person did not reciprocate. I wish everyone could honestly tell what they feel and not be silent. It doesn't work when only one party is being honest.

I'm just confused here.

Hello

can you hear me?

Ha! That song is stuck in my head.

Well, hello there it's 2016! It's a new year, new air and same, somewhat increased in weight, fatty me! So today, I'd like to reflect on how 2015 was for me, improve myself and go forward with positive vibes! A great start for my 1st January 2016 morning! (ha! I'm so excited you can't stop me with my exclamation marks!) !!!!

Oh I just realised I didn't recap my 2014, I don't know what I did last two years. Nevermindlah, that's history. Let's start!

January 2015
I didn't do anything!

February 2015
I don't know what I did!

March 2015
Haaaa? I bought my gaming rig this month. Hell, that was a big purchase.

April 2015
Hmmmm...

May 2015
Okay final exam is next month, so I started grinding here..

June 2015
Final exams!! and my Singapore trip with Mira!

July 2015
Hmm...

August 2015
....

September 2015
..........

October 2015
Better do better this semester I'm gon' kill these two papers but wait, Steam is having a sale. Better buy all these exciting games and continue playing dota only.

November 2015
A month full of doing past year questions. and I finished Wolfenstein: New Order this month. Best FPS game I've played.

December 2015
Final exams! Whatever, I did my best let's enjoy this short holiday with time wasting games! and there another Steam sale! Final Fantasy XIII is 50% off!

Hmm, okay so... that's all? This is a bit sad haha. Nothing majorly exciting except that Singapore trip. Okay, no worries. This is life. So let's put a note to go on more outings this year and enjoy life more.

But I guess I can write a bit on things I've learned last year

1. It's okay to be an asshole. Life will be more pleasant, although somewhat tense in some parts.
2. Do not care about what other people think of your attitude. You're not the same person to them as you are, to yourself. It doesn't matter.
3. If I don't like how things are, I'll say it even if it may hurt people,or trouble them (if what they do troubles me too)
4. Reading is good, no matter in what form. Just keep reading.
5. Have expections, make sure they're met. If not, tell how you feel. So people will know to keep up with it and you'll feel better.
6. People change, even family members.
7. Crying is good. Especially for someone like me, who keep things to myself.
8. Everyone is a good person, it's just the quirks that makes them not.
9. Always have a 'benefit-of-doubt' thinking. It helps with anger.
10. Words of encouragement is useful.
11. Don't leave surplus money idle. Invest them.
12. Respect yourself, and make sure other's know to respect you.(read point three)
13. No is enough. No need to elaborate, just 'No'
14. It's not okay to use force when angry. (I once broke my favourite touch bedlamp, I'm not doing it again)
15. Being a muslim is not a restriction. Read more, learn, watch, reflect, implement.
16. Keep track of expenses. It's time to learn to do so.
17. It's cold, bring that sweater, or maybe a heat pack to the exam hall. Numbed cold hands aren't good for writing under time pressure.
18. Try to notice surroundings, there's more to life than the floor or straight ahead. So much for 'tundukkan pandangan' education. It's not taught the right way and I regret not realizing this sooner.
19. This is a filler, read with wisdom.
20. At times I feel lost, remember Allah. Just remember Him. Everything will be okay.

I'll stop at 20, there could be more but I was 20 years old last year, so, there.

I know some of these are vague, even I think so too. But maybe I'll learn what it actually means to me later. I was somewhat selfish last year. It wasn't very pleasant being a selfish person but it needed to be done because some people are not reciprocating to my tolerance. Hopefully this year I'll get to be a more pleasant person to deal with.

What else? Hmm. ACCA..
I failed my F7 twice last year. Retaking for the third time this coming June. am still waiting for my F8 & F9 results this 18th January. F8 I'm fairly confident but for F9 I'm not sure. I'm supposed to start my professional papers this sem but I don't know. Depends on whether I pass last sem's papers. I don't really know if I want to pass actually. I've been having this lingering feeling, not wanting to move on. So I'm somewhat letting myself fail. I don't know how to write this feeling. But hopefully this year this feeling will go away and I'll properly focus on finishing my papers by next year (2017).

There. I'll stop here. All my excitement at the beginning of this post is gone lol

Here's to a wonderful 2016, Bismillah.